Feeling You

It’s 4 am. I’m wide awake, startled from my sleep by something I cannot yet understand. I hate not understanding and I fully realize sleep will not return until my mind can grasp what took me from my dreams. I need to know.

I inhale and look around. Something is missing and I gaze at the empty space beside me. I swear you were there just a few moments ago. You were there. You had to have been. Your absence just does not seem right. In fact, it seems so wrong.

Did I dream that you were there or am I dreaming you are gone? The former seems so wonderful while the latter a nightmare I just want to wish away.

I exhale and close my eyes, bowing my head in honor of what seems so right in the face of all that seems so wrong. In this heartspace I can feel you beside me. I can feel the warmth of your body flowing through the small space between us. I can hear your breath as it soothes my soul in the darkness. I can still feel the depths of you as you let out those gasps you do.

I can feel all those things that seem so right. Nothing has seemed more right; the way everything within me melts as I look into your eyes. The way your voice demands from me a presence rarely known. The way everything falls into place when we hold hands, when our lips meet or when your arm snakes around my waist. What does a seeker do when all he has searched for wraps her heart around him?

He wraps her heart with all he is.

A prayer answered, a warrior’s call to arms echoed in a kiss. It is all so right.

My eyes open and I look at the empty space that exists besides me. I swear I could still see you laying there, your look of contentment staring back at me, my want to love you flowing through every pore of this existence. I blink for posterity yet the space remains empty, the absence seems so wrong.

I don’t understand it, but it is the way it is. If I honor the truth of what I feel I want you near. If I honor the truth that beats within my chest I want to protect you, feel you, and know that your kiss is just a second away. What does a warrior do when all he has fought for comes alive in a soul he wants near?

He bows his head, mutters an oath of passion, and loves her with all the faithful might he can muster.

Then he lays back down, closes his eyes, and hopes the dreams of her closeness return.

I inhale, feeling my breath flow and my heart beat. I follow that flow until I find the space where you will always be. I close my eyes and begin to drift to your embrace, a place where your hands grasp my face and your lips kiss me with all the passion I adore. You touch me and I tremble, you hold out your hand and I place my heart where I once feared to go, and you…well you just love me in return.

Feeling you is a dream whether I am sleeping or awake.