Dawgs
The incredible lightness of unconditional love
“Everything I know, I learned from dogs.” ~Nora Roberts
How I envy those who live a dog’s life! I often see them playing in the pond, willfully chasing balls thrown by their humans through vast stretches of water. Their body language seems tired, but in a moment they stand strong and ready to chase another throw and bring back another ball.
I've watched them with patient attention, wondering who is making whom happy. The human believes they are playing with their dog. It seems, to me, that the dog is often playing with their human. It’s a dance both enjoy without fanfare or negotiation. They just do, neither expecting payment or even much in the way of gratitude.
There are dogs I see walking along the trails, happily prancing with their people among the wildness each has left far behind. Dogs will often wander among the secret scents left off the beaten trail, never quite far from their people but in a world all their own. Even in the depths of their adventure it only takes a familiar word from a familiar voice to snap them back to a more human reality. Honestly, though, I’m often left to wonder why we aren’t more ready to snap into a dog’s reality instead.
I remember listening to Wayne Dyer discuss a dog’s perspective as it pertains to human emotional trauma. “Kick a dog as a puppy and see him 20 years later,” Dyer said. “He might bite you but the difference between a man and a dog is that the dog didn’t spend a second of those past 20 years thinking about biting you.”
Most dogs, it seems, seek ways to love. They usually don’t point to some far-past drama as a reason to bite everyone they see. They don’t seek to excuse bad behavior because of what someone did to them before. What dogs do is seek ways to exhibit love to those who want to receive it and, often, to those who don’t.
I wander what burden dogs carry with them often loving undeserving humans who just don’t get it. How much pain does a dog endure in the ignorance of the humanity that surrounds them? How heavy is the weight of loving so unconditionally that it has to hurt so deeply?
Whatever pain they feel, dogs will usually snap back to loving attention when called upon. When it is time for the human to be loved, a dog will answer that call without hesitation. I wonder what weight a person must be carrying not to answer a similar call from someone who loves them or, worse yet, someone whom they love.
There are no games with dogs, and their moods are left for all to see. There are no rules, no quid pro quos. Even the least trained dog knows how to love. I once saw a homeless man with a dog. Neither was clean. Neither had much to speak of, but it seemed that they had each other and that was good enough. It was obvious the dog did not have his head on the homeless man’s lap because of all the things that man could give him. It seems what they gave each other was not a responsibility for some imagined debt, or some repayment for a thing. Instead, it was something much more natural and far more valuable. They just loved each other. No other reason was needed.
While it seems to come easy for a dog, humans shoulder the unenviable burden of a conditional life. We harbor traumas for life that dogs seem to easily shed. We fear, often fearing fear. We live in loss, not gain, and we live in the past, not now. We humans bear a cross that continually wounds our hearts, exasperating the agony of being hurt before, repeating the closed-door approach that we believe protects us.
Therein lies the largest difference I see when I see man with his dog. In man, I see the weight of their world around them. In dog, I see the incredible lightness of their unconditional love. I see man’s undeniable search for a distraction from his pain in his dog, and I see a dog so quick to assume the weight as he leaps into the pond after a ball. I then see the dog dump the weight into the depths of a healing pond, sure to return to take more with him into the abyss.
We have much to learn from dogs. We often search in dogs what we can’t find in people. A non-judgmental ear in which to vent. A cuddle-buddy who isn’t searching for his next rendezvous. A truthful partner from whom no untruths will be told. Dogs often become our surrogates, which is a shame that such a burden must be placed on their lives. Yet they bear that burden, and in turn make our lives much better despite our frailty.
“Let me love you as your dog loves you. All I ask is that you love me the same.”
